None
5 stars
I like the story, great job on that. But some feedback I hope you'll consider.
1. Instead of saying "thanks to her parkour training" 3x and then later changed into "thanks to her martial-arts training", it will be better to have it written in detail. Mentioning it once is enough, something like "I never thought training in basic parkour/martial arts will save me", then the rest are descriptions of what she did based on those trainings. How did she roll, how did she jump, and so on.
2. By doing the above, you could've avoided switching to "martial arts". When I read that, my thought was, "this teenage girl suddenly learned this and that, how convenient!" It just popped into my head. Or, instead of martial arts, call it "basic survival skills" and then go to detail describing what those skills are that she used.
I think that's about it. โฆ
I like the story, great job on that. But some feedback I hope you'll consider.
1. Instead of saying "thanks to her parkour training" 3x and then later changed into "thanks to her martial-arts training", it will be better to have it written in detail. Mentioning it once is enough, something like "I never thought training in basic parkour/martial arts will save me", then the rest are descriptions of what she did based on those trainings. How did she roll, how did she jump, and so on.
2. By doing the above, you could've avoided switching to "martial arts". When I read that, my thought was, "this teenage girl suddenly learned this and that, how convenient!" It just popped into my head. Or, instead of martial arts, call it "basic survival skills" and then go to detail describing what those skills are that she used.
I think that's about it. Everything else is great. I like where you're going with the series, and I look forward to learning what this "multiverse" is. Currently, it appears not as a multiverse but a simple planet-to-planet traveling within the same universe, so now I'm curious what this multiverse is, and what governs it.